


Idiots in Love

by 108am



Category: SS501
Genre: Bickering, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Behavior, LiveJournal Prompt, Love/Hate, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Other, Relationship Problems, Therapy, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/108am/pseuds/108am
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world gone mad, HyunJoong is a couple therapist, and Jungmin and HyungJun are his cash cow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiots in Love

**Author's Note:**

> [gyonggo's fic challenge](http://gyonggo.livejournal.com/329530.html) \- [**Prompt:** 02\. Therapy](http://108am.livejournal.com/44042.html)
> 
> * * *
> 
> So what started out as weird becomes even weirder...

  
“He always leaves the toilet seat _and_ lid down. I mean, what the hell is up with that? _We’re both guys._ ” HyungJun shot a glare at his boyfriend next to him.

Jungmin returned the glare with equal intensity; perhaps even more daggering. “Well, I wouldn’t have to do that if you would just flush after every use. Here’s a weird thought: perhaps I _don’t want_ to see what color your pee is that day.”

“And how does that make you feel?” HyunJoong really didn’t give a damn, but he was required to ask the question anyway to avoid losing his license. He crossed his leg over the other, readjusting his clipboard on his lap. He drew a duck, wearing a pirate hat. He smiled, clearly entertained by his own drawing, but neither one of his clients noticed him trying to hide his amusement.

“How do I feel about this? _How do I feel?_ I’m goddam pissed off.”

“Tch, I could say the same.” HyungJun stuck his tongue out at Jungmin.

 

 

“So a couple of weeks ago,” Jungmin began, trying to keep his cool, “we’ve decided perhaps we needed a pet to, you know, keep us company when the other is being a nuisance, and when I say nuisance, I do mean—”

“Don’t you even go there,” HyungJun hissed, but his comment was ignored by Jungmin who continued his own thought.

“Well, as always, we can’t agree on a single thing. I wanted a bunny rabbit, but he… _he_ … _HE_ —”

“ _I_ want a horse,” HyungJun finished for Jungmin, smiling in satisfactory when he noticed Jungmin cringing. “After all, I might as well have a pair since I already have this one.” He patted Jungmin on the head for a moment before his hand was swatted away by the other man.

“Stop that, I’m not a horse. I’m a—”

“Oh, I do see what you mean, HyungJun,” HyunJoong cut in, nodding his head in understanding. “Why, yes, I do see the resemblance. Fine choice.”

“It is not a fine choice! Besides, you’re supposed to be impartial!” Jungmin felt like ripping his hair out, but decided to hit HyungJun instead.

“Well,” HyunJoong returned his attention back to his clipboard, already in the process of drawing a horse companion for his duck. “Sue me.”

HyungJun beamed, grasping both of Jungmin’s wrists to stop the frantic punches. “So we’re getting a horse!”

“No, we’re not!”

HyunJoong shrugged, half-listening to the bickering between his patients.

 

 

“So tell me when did you two first begin to notice your relationship problems?” HyunJoong smiled to himself, feeling he had done something to deserve his salary for the week.

“An hour after our first date,” Jungmin answered.

“It was not,” HyungJun protested. “Don’t tell him lies, it was _two hours_ after the date.”

“Wh-what the hell are you talking about? It was an hour! We were arguing about what to order at the restaurant!”

“What are you drinking? It was obviously two hours, and we were arguing about _which movie to see._ ”

The two continued to argue back in forth, not noticing HyunJoong talking to himself. “Ah, lover’s spat, I do love my job.” HyunJoong dropped his clipboard, watching in fascination as the two men quarreled back and forth, neither one giving in. “Very fascinating.”

 

 

“HyungJun has a weird fetish.” Jungmin grimaced.

“Well.” HyunJoong lowered his clipboard. “By its very definition, fetishes are of course abnormal. That’s what makes them be classified as fetishes in the first place.” HyunJoong wrote something on the clipboard before returning his attention back to the pair. “Now, this can’t be so bad. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve heard from my other patients. This one man I’ve known had a _really_ interesting one. He liked—”

“What ever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?” Jungmin demanded with a glare.

“Oh, right.” HyunJoong sunk back in his seat, half-sulking that he could not tell his story from start to finish. “That nonsense.”

Jungmin was quiet for a moment before leaning over to whisper to HyungJun, “Are you _sure_ he’s reliable?”

“W-well, of course he is. It’s not like he got his practice license off the internet—”

Jungmin’s eyes widened when he noticed HyungJun’s abrupt stop.

“Shit, I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.”

Jungmin smacked HyungJun on the back of the head. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“So,” HyunJoong started with a long drawl, “your weird fetish?”

“It’s not that weird.” HyungJun rubbed the back of his neck, laughing off Jungmin’s disapproving look. “I, um, like school uniforms.”

“Oh, that’s not so bad.”

“School _girl_ uniform,” Jungmin corrected, burying his head in his hands and hiding the blush that was forming.

“Oh.”

HyungJun continued to laugh until Jungmin kicked the back of his leg to silence him.

“So you like schoolgirl uniform and horses.” HyunJoong commented, earning two peculiar looks that sort of questioned how he was able to comment about two completely different things together.

“Somehow, you made his fetish even sicker by adding in the horse part.” Jungmin lay down, burying his head in HyungJun’s lap. “I want to die.”

 

 

“Well, do you have any sort of fetish, Jung—”

“No.”

“Oh, come now, you must have someth—”

“No.”

“Really? Not even something like spanking? A little S&M? Or a body part fetish? Or how about—”

“ _No._ And stop suggesting stuff, it makes it seem like it’s _your_ kinks.”

“…”

“… _OH MY GOD._ ”

“This is fun!”

“No, it’s not HyungJun, you little pervert.”

 

 

“My name is Kim HyungJun and I like fucking Jungmin when he’s in a schoolgirl uniform.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Jungmin, you really need to embrace and accept HyungJun’s fetish and—”

“You shut up too, you quack.”

“…How about fishnet stockings?”

“ _NO!_ ”

 

 

“I’ve decided,” Jungmin began, rubbing his temple. “I should break up with you. All we do is fight and I’m tired, and Dr. Kim is a completely useless nutcase.”

HyungJun was quiet.

HyunJoong was offended, and he made sure it was shown on his face.

“And I hate that stupid uniform. The only reason I did it because you seemed to like it but it’s _too weird_ as hell, and—”

“I want a rabbit,” HyungJun spoke up suddenly, earning a puzzled look from his boyfriend.

“You—you want a rabbit? A bunny rabbit?” Jungmin’s eyes sparkled as he clasped his hands together. “You’re serious, right? This is not false hope dangling in front of my face only to lead to utter doom and misery for me and me alone, right? You mean it? A bunny rabbit?”

HyungJun nodded, trying to stifle a giggle at Jungmin’s lengthy comment. “Well, the past hour or so, it made me realize that you do compromise with me a lot, especially about, um, you know… Anyway, it’s about time I do something nice for you, and admittedly a rabbit would be better, especially in regard to the crap we’re going to have to clean up.”

“Well, this is sickening,” HyunJoong commented to himself, slouching back in his seat. He pulled his clipboard back into view. He drew a rabbit vomiting into his bunny hole. “Real sickening. I like them better when they’re fighting.”

“We are _not_ naming him Mr. Fluffy Hoppity Bun-Bun,” Jungmin shouted, about ready to strangle his boyfriend again.

“But it’s cute, and original.”

“I. Will. Kill. You.” Jungmin rasped out each word with a subtle homicidal rage.

HyunJoong perked up, sensing the murderous aura radiating off of Jungmin, and feeling relaxed again knowing he still had a steady paycheck coming in for the future. Just as Jungmin was about to squeeze the life out of HyungJun, HyunJoong announced that their session was up, commenting briefly that “they were making great progress” and that they would be receiving a bill from him soon.

“Take care!” HyunJoong waved at the two, watching as Jungmin yanked a protesting HyungJun down the hallway to, what he assumed, would be a pet store down the street to look for their future furry, long-eared roommate.

He walked up to his secretary, leaning over the counter, grinning from ear to ear. “Secretary Lee, would you like to see my drawings today?”

His secretary sighed, shaking her head. “You do realize one of these days your license will get revoked if you continue to play around instead of offering real help to your patients?”

HyunJoong’s cheerful disposition drooped for a moment before he bounced back to his optimistic self. “Hey, I did my job. I asked them about their feelings and—no, you’re right. Next session, I’ll be more competence, promise.”

“This is what you’ve said last week. As a matter of fact, this is what you’ve been saying for the past eight sessions. I would think you would have advised them to break up sometimes ago.”

“Well,” HyunJoong smiled, “they’re idiots in love. Plus, they are our cash cow.” He winked at his secretary before heading back into his office, singing cheerfully about a big fat paycheck.


End file.
